Happy Holiday Weekend

It's so quiet here at work. The 4th isn't until Tuesday, but people are taking extra time off. I am so bored.

No one has called yet about viewing my house. I'm starting to get worried. Hopefully, someone will come this weekend. What do I have to do, give it away?

I can't think of anything to say, so I better go...

Sad News

My best friend's mother passed away last night. Even though my friend knew this was coming, she is still pretty upset by it. She had Alzheimers. She died not recognizing her own daughter. It is so sad to see one's parents get older. The roles get reversed and the children become the caregivers (or at least the children who are close by and step up to the plate).

I worry a lot about my parents getting older. They are in their 70s now. I first had to face their mortality when my dad got leukemia. Suddenly, I had to stop thinking about him and my mom aging gracefully together. That's changed somewhat since my dad is in remission, but both of them are much more frail now. Their memories aren't so good either. My dad always has said that he wants to die with his boots on. I hope that when the time comes, he gets his wish.

For Sale

Well, I did it. I have my place up for sale. I hope I get a good price. Even at a "good price," I'm still going to take a loss on it. What a bad investment. I was young and didn't know better. It's a shame because I love the condo itself. I wish I could take it with me.

I went apartment hunting on Saturday by myself. It was a disaster. I have to say that I don't want an apartment. They're just too small. I think they're for people who are just starting out on their own. I've been living on my own for 12 years. I have stuff. I have a couple of leads on condos and homes to rent and plan to go back next Monday. I'll feel much better when I know where I'm going to be.

Busy Day

I told everyone at work that I'm leaving. No one was very surprised.

I had to leave early to take my bird to the vet again. He's still having trouble with his feet. It's almost like he can't get them to work sometimes and that they don't support his weight. She examined him, but couldn't really tell anything. She is having me put some aspirin in his drinking water to see if that relieves it. He is also scheduled for x-rays on Tuesday. Is he worth it? I can't stand by and do nothing and watch him die when I could have done something. Once we know what it is, it might be really easy to cure.

Tomorrow I'm going apartment hunting. Thank goodness for the Internet! I already have some leads. I'll be going myself since my dad has a cold. My boss is going to be up there helping his son, who works at the same place I'm going to, paint. I'm going to try to stop by and say hi if I can find it.

I hope I find something nice.

Job Offer Part Deux

Okay, I must be a flake. I turned down the job on Tuesday, felt depressed about it ever since and decided to contact them again and see if it was still available. It turns out that it is and I start in August! I am actually excited. I need to build my skills up again. The only thing stopping me was my fear.

I still am nervous about all I have to do, but I am looking forward to it too. I contacted a realtor today. It's not going to be easy to give up my place, but I'm going to try to find something nice. I didn't plan on staying there forever anyway.

So it's a new job, a new location and new stress. I feel pretty good about all three today. I wonder how I'll feel tomorrow?

Job Offer

I got offered the job for which I interviewed last week. I turned it down. What a tough decision! The move is the big thing that got me down. They didn't even want to help with moving expenses which would cost $3000-$4000. I would probably also have to take a loss on my condo. I could do it, but would it be worth it to uproot myself for a big unknown?

Career-wise it would be a good move. I can't deny that. Would I have been happy doing that work though? I'm not too sure.

The director kind of turned me off. He would only give me 24 hours to decide. This is a huge decision. What's the rush? I called him this morning, but he wasn't in so I sent him an email. I outlined my reasons for not wanting the job as mainly monetary. I guess I want to see if they'll make any counter-offer. Am I adequate, but not worth fighting for? I want to show, I suppose, that I'm not desperate.

So far I haven't heard back from him, so I guess there's no deal. Fin d'histoire.

Sick Birdy

I'm worried about my parrot. I thought he had hurt his toe the other day, but yesterday he was lethargic and having trouble walking around. His blood panel came back and had elevated levels of uric acid which could signal a kidney problem. I searched on the internet and he could have gout which is swelling his joints. The prognosis isn't too good, but it's recommended he have very little protein, more vitamin A and lots of water. He seemed better today though.

I'm now debating again whether I should take the job if offered. A friend of mine made some good points that it would be very good on my resume and would keep my skills sharp. I'll be thinking about it all weekend I'm sure.

Interview

Okay, I did it. I went and interviewed all day yesterday. Actually, I stayed at a hotel the night before. Not a very nice hotel either. I was miserable that night wanting to just go home. I probably should have.

The interview went well. I think they liked me and I think they're going to offer me the position. Why do I think that? Probably because I don't want to have to say no. I really would like to accept the position, but I don't want to move. It is farther from my parents' too. I can't imagine driving to see them with my bird as frequently and they've made it clear they wouldn't want to come see me as often either.

At the same time, there is nothing for me here job-wise. I'm so bored and hate it here so much.

But what if a great position (or even just an acceptable one) comes up in a month or 2. A position where I don't have to move at all? I've never been good at making decisions like this. I wish I could talk to someone who is objective.

Physical Exam

Not for me, but for my bird. I had noticed over the weekend that it looked like he had hurt his toe because he wasn't bending it. Anyway, I made an appt. with an avian vet. She's very good. I went to her last year when he was losing feathers on his head (he had allergies). Anyway, it was quite amazing how good she was with him. He usually won't let anyone but me touch him or hold him, but she knew exactly how to put him at ease. She said she had never had such a good bird. She drew blood out of him just holding him. Usually they have to wrap birds in a towel.

In any case, he doesn't have anything broken. She thinks he just strained his toe. While we were there, he had a physical exam. He never had one before. It's just like for humans with a blood draw, urine sample, etc.

Tomorrow is the interview day. I'm staying overnight tonight so I think I'm going to head over there late this afternoon. That's why I wanted to take my bird to the vet. I'm leaving him alone and will worry about him of course.

So the interview starts with breakfast tomorrow. They are picking me up at the hotel and 7:45. Yikes! I'm worried most about the presentation. A lot of times, I feel like a complete phony. This happens during presentations too. I feel like "what's the point?" I'm going to try to believe in what I'm saying and that the audience is with me. I'm going to try to be calm. The worst that can happen is that I wouldn't get the job. If I don't, at least I won't have to move.

Other Good News

I have a job interview next Wednesday. I worked on my presentation today and I think it's ready. I leave Tuesday night. They are putting me up in a hotel. The next day they are taking me to breakfast. The schedule doesn't look too bad, but it will be stressful for sure. I really want this job!

Remission

My dad has chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML). This is basically a leukemia where his white blood cells keep increasing. He was diagnosed in 2000 and was told he had 2-4 years to live. This was typical given the treatments available at the time. The only definitive cure is a bone marrow transplant, but at his age this was not an option even if he did have a perfect match (he doesn't). To make a long story short, he has been trying some experimental treatments. The first one was Gleevic. It is a targeted cancer therapy. It didn't do much for him and he was on it for a couple of years. The only other option was to try another experimental medicine. I researched it on the net and saw that it was having a lot of success putting people in remission. He went down to Houston in 2004 to participate.

He never got a chance to try the drug because his platelets went dangerously low and he developed a brain hemorrage. He had brain surgery and was in the hospital for a month. He almost died about 3 or 4 different times.

He fully recovered and in November, he found out that the same clinical trial was going to take place close to home. The doctor actually contacted him and asked him if he wanted to participate. He didn't hesitate (he's courageous, my dad). Anyway, he started in late November and had a bone marrow test last month which shows that he is in a full remission. It's really a miracle. The drug's name is BMS-354825 and is created by Bristol Myers Squibb. We are so thrilled.

Adoption

Being adopted, I've been considering trying to locate my birth mother. I never really cared before and even now, I'm only vaguely curious about her. I'm interested in my health history. I joined adoption.com and saw a book recommendation. The title is The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Verrier. Her major premise is that being adopted is a traumatic experience and can cause a lot of issues for adoptees such as being afraid to get close to people, fear of loss, being overly compliant or acting out, just to name a few. While reading the book, I could see myself. I could better understand where my fear of emotional attachments and loss come from.

The author points out that adoption isn't bad, it's just that a newborn looks for its mother and instinctively knows her and has grown inside her for 9 months. To not see her is felt on a conscious and subconscious level. What is interesting is that even babies that are separated from their mothers because of being born prematurely, exhibit the same kinds of behaviors as adoptees. The bottom line is that the bond with the birth mother is important and we should understand that. It's a very good book and makes one think of adoption in a different way.

Out of the Blue

I got an email from a friend I hadn't heard from in a while. I'll call him E. We used to work at the same place a few years ago. I liked him briefly. I thought he liked me too, but nothing ever developed. I'm actually glad because he has a lot of "issues."

Anyway, he emails me from time to time. He's a rather negative person and communicating with him can be a challenge. I think our relationship has improved by not seeing each other frequently. He seems to be obsessed with his health right now. Let's see, he told me he has high blood pressure and IBS. He's my age (39). I can't judge him though. I'm obsessed with every ache and pain I have too. What happened to us in our 30s? I know several people around the same ago who are also starting to obsess about health. It usually starts in the mid-30s. The internet hasn't helped matters. It's all to easy to search and diagnose ourselves.

Then I had the thought that we're both single and own our own places. Maybe being alone is making us crazy. Maybe we'll end up being the town eccentrics (if we live long enough) or the ones kids tell stories about and dare each other to knock on our doors.

No way. Maybe E., but not me. He told me he doesn't even like to leave the house on the weekend. I worry about him but it's clear he doesn't want me in his life and I don't really want to get involved in all that anyway. He's very high maintenance (like I'm not!).

I don't understand

my sister and brother-in-law. They are away on vacation this week, so my parents stopped by their place to see if everything was okay. Well, it is if you can call it that. They haven't mowed the lawn once yet. They haven't raked leaves from last fall. The inside of the house is a complete disaster. Things are everywhere. You have to watch where you step. It's like an earthquake hit. My sister gave up cleaning a few years ago. We don't talk about it. I guess it's just not part of her routine. She only works 4 days a week and has no children, so it's not that she doesn't have time. My brother-in-law used to help and do things, but he's gotten lax too. I don't understand it. I'm not a neat freak, but I like things to be in their place. It would make me feel terrible to live in a house like that. I think they are both depressed and they can't get out of it because of how they're living. What's going to become of them?

Also, I think my BIL is losing the plot somewhere along the way. His mother died of lung cancer in the fall, so now he has taken up smoking. He says he doesn't care. His father AND mother both died of cancer. Why push it? They'll both be 46 this year.

Sunday already?

Where does the weekend go? Yesterday, I did the usual errands, cooked a nice dinner (I rarely go out) and then met a couple of friends for drinks. It was so good seeing B. again. She was in Italy for 2 weeks. I hope that we get to plan a trip together soon.

Today, it rained all day. I've been kind of glued to the tele: Footballer$ Wives and The 4400 are running marathons. Bloody good television.

Antiques or junk?

I went to the "antique mall" at lunch. OMG, it was huge!! Some of the stuff was kind of interesting. I particularly like coins and war memorabilia (I'm no girly-girl!) and they had some nice stuff. All in all, however, I felt like I was in my grandma's house. It even smelled like it. I feel like going home and cleaning out the closets and rentin g a shelf there to display my wares.

Friday!!!

It's a rainy, cool Friday. I can't walk at lunch, but my boss invited me to go to an antique store up the street.

Well, I had the phone interview. At first, I freaked out when I realized that they were calling my house (I am at work). We worked it all out and laughed about it though. They seemed nice got and got on well together. How the group members interact with each other is telling. I had an interview once where the group seemed stiff and they weren't even giving me feedback, so I was unsure if I addressed the right things. Safe to say, that job didn't pan out. Hopefully, this one will. A part of me is excited. Another part is dead scared because I'd have to move.

I just found out that a friend of mine just accepted a job to teach for one year in China. Wow! You couldn't pay me enough, but if she wants to do it, that's great. I'm going to encourage her to start a blog.

Happy Birthday!

My parrot hatched on this date 11 years ago. I thought it appropriate to include a picture of him today. This is what I came home to yesterday actually. He likes to build and I gave him some greenbar computer paper. Remember that stuff? Well, I leave his cage door open all day, so he has quite a bit of fun.