One Hundred +

My grandmother is going to be 101 years old next week. 101! She is so lucky to still be in good health and in her own house. My mom and cousin check in on her during the week and keep house and pay the bills. They also make sure she goes to the senior center. She lives for it and it’s the only form of entertainment she has. Every weekday the center provides lunch and a chance to interact with other seniors. There is a weekly movie too and sometimes special events.

I wonder what it feels like to be that old. I know that I still feel like a kid in a lot of ways. I wonder if she still does. I also feel very tired and old some days. I wonder if she feels the same, but to a greater degree.

No one knows his or her lifespan. I can’t even say I’d want to live that long, but it’s really a miracle. What is her secret?

Where Have I Been?

I can't believe it has been over two weeks since I last posted. Reading my last entry, that was the lowest part for me throughout this whole ordeal. I was so run down I'm not surprised I got sick. I was so sick I couldn't get off the couch. I had plenty of time to reflect and get some perspective.

Now two more weeks have passed and things are going better. I felt so overwhelmed. It didn't help that the woman who is showing me things is hyper. Feeling vulnerable and not feeling up to the task is very frightening. Little by little, however, I'm feeling more comfortable and I think I can say that I'm starting to like my job and my life again.

Job-wise, I'm figuring things out and sometimes I even surprise myself with how much I know. It has been a long time since I've done this kind of work, but it's slowly coming back.

On the homefront, I'm making the condo more homey. I finally hung some pictures this weekend and am getting the last of the boxes empty.

I'm also doing some exploring. I found a beautiful park 8 miles away with a trail along the river. It's gorgeous and the walk exhausts me (no small feat since I'm the walking queen).

My bird is also doing better. I got a suggestion from somebody to add apple cider vinegar in his water and he's been drinking it for 2 weeks now. One day, I noticed his feathers look healthier and he's stopped his trembling episodes. He even seems to like it here and is handling this better than I am. I can't believe it.

I don't know what the future holds, but I have no choice but to go forward and make the best of it. I sold my condo and the closing was today. There is no going back. Home is what you make of it. I need to stop thinking so much and just enjoy the moments I have making a new home.

Irony

The last sentence of my last post is a little ironic. I said something like I hope that I keep my sanity and health intact. Well, that very evening, after dinner, I got so sick. I had a fever of 101, diarrhea and nausea. I should have seen it coming. I mean I've been going nonstop for weeks now preparing for this move. Wednesday was too much. I also felt overloaded with all my new responsibilities and in over my head.

So I took Thursday off. I felt very guilty to do so, but I physically couldn't get to work. I stayed on the couch and slept all day. I felt weak and barely ate. I kept fighting a fever too. It finally went away today as the day progressed. I haven't been that sick in ages.

I need to keep perspective and I need to chill. This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I realize that. I need to take it easy on myself. I can't expect to do everything right now. I am putting pressure on myself plus I am homesick beyond belief. It's no wonder I got sick.

Losing It

Well, I made the move and I'm still alive, but barely. This has been a week I would not relive for any money in the world. First of all, I moved in on the hottest day of the year (97°) and the air condition was broken in the new condo. I spent 5 days in hell. It is mostly fixed now (I say mostly because I think the unit isn't big enough for the condo) and the temperatures have come down a bit. My bird is moved in. The poor thing doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't seem to be doing too badly, but I worry about him.

My parents came on Saturday and stayed a few days. Thank goodness! I don't know what I would have done without them. They helped me get unpacked and to do little odd jobs I didn't have a clue about (installing my washing machine, fixing the shower). They suffered it out in the heat too.

Now as for the job...it is going to be challenging to say the least. There is so much to learn, my head is swimming. The woman who had been filling in for the position is helping me, but she talks very fast, is excitable (makes me nervous and stressed) and goes from one topic to the next with lightening speed. It's hard to keep up and I feel stupid. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. At times, I just want to cry and go back home. I don't have a home anymore though because it is being sold.

I just pray I can get through the next few months with my sanity and my health intact.